Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don’t get it,

you can still support and help us.

Our identity is still valid, it is real.

My name is Cami, I’m 22,
and I am here to tell you about

my nonbinary identity.

It is an umbrella word for

all gender identities that are not
exclusively male nor exclusively female.

This includes agender identity

– “a” for the absence of gender,
which is neutral –,

as well as all fluid identities,

as if gender was a spectrum

with two poles: male and female.

Fluid identity can move around
that spectrum.

This includes people who are
gender fluid, demigender, pangender, etc.

I've never really related to femininity.

At 18, I already started
questioning my gender identity.

I met a trans man

that I dated for a while.

Together, we found words
to express my identity:

nonbinary.

I think that because he was
much more informed than me,

he was able to help me
find the words for my identity.

Gender identity is what you are,

it’s the gender you feel,

the one you live, you experience.

Gender expression is
what others see in you,

it’s the way you express your identity.

For instance, you can have
a male gender identity:

therefore, you are a man.

But you can also have
a female gender expression,

with markers society perceive as female.

For example, Bilal Hassasni is a man
with a female gender expression.

I told my parents I was non-binary

and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.

I was 20 years old, two years ago.

My mother took it very well.

she was already well-informed
about gender identity.

She was open-minded and very safe.

I felt safe with her.

Telling my father was a bit touchier.

It took me longer to tell him,
and I did not do it in real life.

I sent him a message because
it was easier for me to do.

He reacted well enough:

he said although
he may not get everything,

he'd still be there no matter what,
nothing would change for him,

and that he loved me just the same.

It was a bit harder for my grandmother

because it was foreign to her.

She grew up in the countryside
before coming to Paris.

She's lived 50 years with my grandfather.

She was used to
cisheternormative environments

where she never questioned her identity
or anyone else’s.

When I told her she was quite stunned,
but she always made sure

to treat me the best way possible.

She tries her best,

she almost always uses
my chosen name.

I applied for a legal name change
in 2019.

I applied to the city hall
where I was living at the time.

I filled out an application form

with testimonies from
my friends and family

attesting they used the name Cami
to refer to me.

I asked my school
to write a support letter, etc.

Then, I submitted my application.

I waited a few months.
Waiting period varies by municipality.

My name change was approved.

Misgendering someone means

referring to somebody

with the wrong pronouns.

It is when a non-binary person
explicitly says

they go by neutral pronouns
such as "they/them"

but you use "she/her"
or "he/him" anyway.

I personally go by

"female" pronouns in speaking,
and neutral ones in writing.

But generally speaking,

I tend to tell right away

that my preferred pronouns are
"she/her" in speaking.

If someone doesn’t directly
tell their pronouns

and you want to gender them correctly,

you can ask for their pronouns

or wait for them to gender themselves
and follow suit.

On previous videos I made,

a lot of comments negated our identities,

denied our
gender expressions and identities.

I try to not read these comments

because I know most of them are
ill-intended or very clumsy.

and they will only hurt me.

I've participated in a documentary saying

gender identity was part of a trend,
that it came up around

10 years ago in the U.S.,

that it also connects to
the fashion industry, unisex fad, etc.

This is completely false.
It feels like an ultra-white,

ultra-Eurocentric viewpoint.

Many, many cultures acknowledge
different gender identities

that were completely erased
during colonization.

Quite often, people say
it is problematic

or counter-productive
to label yourself in order to

define and redefine
your identity.

I do believe it is very important

to be able to identify with something

so you can cut loose from an identity

that was arbitrarily assigned to you.

I think we must be able
to relate to a community

in order to bond with others,
to not be left alone,

to feel supported,

to meet other people just like us
who get us, who listen to us.

If had one thing to say,
it would be:

even if you don’t get it,

you can still support and help us.

You can learn, you can deconstruct
your ways of thinking.

You can research,
help your loved ones,

even if you don’t realize
the significance of their gender identity.

Another thing: each non-binary person
express their identity differently.

Some people might engage in
medical transitions,

take hormones, get surgeries;
others might not.

Regardless of whether and how
they transition

– socially, medically, etc. –,

our identity is still valid, it is real,

and there is a ton of us.