Discovery of Non-binary: Cami's story

Even if you don't understand,
you can always support and encourage us.

Our identity is still recognized
and it exists.

My name's Cami, I'm 22,
and I'm non-binary

and I'm here to talk about non-binary.

Non-binary is an umbrella term
that includes all gender identities

that aren't only male
or only female.

It can be agender so take away the "a",

and it means genderless, is neutral,
or it can be all fluid identities,

as if gender is a spectrum with 2 poles,
masculine and feminine.

We can have a cursor that moves.

Everyone who identifies as gender fluid,
demigender, pangender, etc.

I never really identified with femininity.

At 18, I already started asking myself
questions on my gender identity,

and I met a trans guy,
who I was with for some time,

and we put into words my identity,
which is non-binary.

I think it's because he had much more
information than me

that he was able to help me find the words
about my identity.

Gender identity is what we are.

It is the gender we feel,
we live with and experiment with.

And gender expression
is what we let others see.

It is the way we express our identity.

We can have a gender identity

for example, male:
we're a guy,

and we'll have a gender expression

that is feminine, with many labels
considered feminine in society.

For example, Bilal Hassani is a man
with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents that I was non-binary

and that I wanted to change my first name
at the same time.

I was 20, so it was two years ago.

My mom took it very well.

She was already familiar
with gender issues.

She was very deconstructed to the idea
and very safe.

I felt safe.

With my dad, it was a bit delicate.

I took more time to talk to him
and I didn't do it in person.

I sent him a message
because it was simpler for me to handle.

He reacted pretty well.

He said he didn't understand everything
but he'll support me regardless

and that this changes nothing,
that his love stays the same.

For my grandmother, it was less obvious
because it's something farfetched to her.

She grew up in the countryside.
Then, she moved to Paris.

She lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.

She lived in very
cis heteronormative societies.

where she never questioned her identity
or the identity of others.

When I talked to her,
she was a bit bewildered

but she always looked out for me
and behaved her best with me.

She makes a lot of effort
and almost never makes a mistake

when using my first name.

I requested to change my first name
in 2019.

I applied to the city hall where I lived.

I filled out the folder

with the testimonies
from my family and friends

to state that they'll use the name Cami
to address me.

I asked my school to write a letter
of support for me.

Then, I submitted my folder.

I waited several months.
It varies depending on the city hall.

And I got approval
to change my first name.

Misgendering a person

is to address this person
with the wrong pronouns,

so gendering a non-binary person

who clearly said
to use neutral pronouns like "they/them"

and to gender them as female or male.

Personally, I use she/her pronouns
when speaking and they/them when writing.

But it's true that in general,

I tend to say immediately
that I prefer others to address me

with she/her pronouns when speaking.

Later if the person doesn't do it

and you would prefer
to be sure of their gender,

you could ask for them
to specify their pronouns

or wait until the person
uses their pronouns

to respect their gender.

With the other videos I did,

there were a lot of comments
that belittled our identities,

and denied our gender expressions
and gender identities.

Afterwards, I hardly read these comments

because I knew for the most part
they're malicious or very inconsiderate

and they will only hurt me.

I have already participated in a report

where we could hear
that it was a fashion statement,

that it appeared a few years ago
in the U.S., 10 years ago,

and that it had to do with fashion,
unisex fashion, etc.

This is completely false.

I also think that it's an extremely white
and Eurocentric point of view

because in many cultures
we find many gender identities

that were completely erased
during colonization.

Often we hear that it's problematic,

it's annoying to create labels
and more and more labels

to identify and reidentify, etc.

but I think it is especially crucial
to first identify with something

in order to dissociate with an identity
that was assigned to us randomly.

I think it's necessary
to also find a community

to create bonds,
to know that we're not alone,

that there is support,
and that there are others like us

that understand us,
and who listens.

If I could say one thing,

I think it would be that
even though you don't understand

you can always support and encourage us.

You can learn,
you can deconstruct patterns of thinking.

You can find out more information,
you can help your loved ones,

even if you don't understand
the range of their gender identity.

Secondly, all non-binary people

have a different way
of expressing their identity,

there are people
who will do medical transitions,

who will take hormones and do operations
while others won't

and no matter the way we transition or not
socially, medically, etc.

Our identity is still recognized
and it exists

and there are many, many of us.