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Even if you don’t understand,
you can still be there for us.
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Our identity is valid.
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It's real and it matters.
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I'm Cami, I'm 22, non-binary.
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I'm here to talk to you
about non-binarity.
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Non-binarity is an umbrella term
for gender identities
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beyond male/female.
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That could mean being agender,
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having no gender, being neutral.
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Or identities that shift.
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Imagine gender as a spectrum
with male and female poles.
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Some people move along the spectrum.
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Like genderfluid, demigender,
pangender people, and so on.
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I never really felt
connected to femininity.
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At 18, I began questioning
my gender identity.
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I met a trans man I was with for a while,
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and together we found the words to name
my identity: non-binary.
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He had more knowledge than I did,
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so he helped me find the words.
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Gender identity is who we are.
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It’s how we feel and experience.
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Gender expression is what
we show to others.
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It's how we express our gender identity.
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Someone might identify as male,
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but express their gender
in a feminine way
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with markers seen as feminine in society.
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Like Bilal Hassani, a man
with a feminine gender expression.
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I told my parents I was non-binary.
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I also said I wanted to change my name.
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I was 20, so that was two years ago.
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My mom took it really well,
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as she was already aware of gender issues.
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She was open-minded and supportive.
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I felt really safe.
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With my dad, it was a bit harder.
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I took longer to talk to him about it.
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I didn’t tell him in person.
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I messaged him, it was easier that way.
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He took it pretty well.
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He didn’t get it all,
but he’d still be there to support me.
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It changed nothing for him,
he still loved me.
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It was tougher with my grandma
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because this was all new to her.
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She grew up rural and moved to Paris.
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She lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.
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Her world was cis-heteronormative,
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never questioning gender identities.
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When I told her, she was a bit shocked.
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But she always tried
to treat me the best she could.
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She’s made a huge effort.
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She almost never gets
my chosen name wrong now.
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I requested a name change in 2019.
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I applied at the town hall
where I was living.
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I picked up a form and filled it out
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with testimonials from loved ones
who used “Camille” for me.
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I also got a supporting letter
from my school.
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Then I submitted everything
and waited a few months.
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It depends on the city, honestly.
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But mine was eventually approved.
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Misgendering someone means
using the wrong pronouns to address them.
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If a non-binary person asks for
neutral pronouns like “they”
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and you call them he or she,
that’s still misgendering.
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Personally, I use feminine pronouns
when speaking, neutral when writing.
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I usually mention my pronouns upfront.
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I prefer people use she/her
for me when speaking.
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If they don’t do it first,
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and you want to get it right,
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you can directly ask someone
or wait to hear the pronouns they use.
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On videos I’ve posted before,
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there were lots of comments
denying our identities,
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rejecting our gender expressions
and identities.
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I don’t read them much,
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because most are just mean-spirited
or just really awkward.
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They only end up hurting me.
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I was in a documentary
where they said it was just a trend.
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That it started in the U.S.
about ten years ago,
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and was really just tied
to unisex fashion.
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That's totally false.
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I think that’s a very white,
Eurocentric point of view.