George Carlin on Death - RIP

...i've been doing, going through my adress and crossing out the dead people

you do that? that's a lot of fun isn't it?

gives you a good feeling, kind of gives you a feeling of power

of superiority, to have outlived another old friend

but you can't do it too soon; you know, you can't do it too soon

you can't come running home from the funeral and get the book out, you know...

you can't do that, a little time has to pass

you have to let a little time go by, I have a rule of thumb

6 weeks.

If you're a friend of mine and you're in my book and you die,

I leave you alone for 6 weeks

6 extra weeks in the book on the house, it's on me

Now speaking of dead people, there are things we say

when someone dies, most of us say, lot of us do, things we say that no one ever questions.

They just king of go unexamined.

Give you a couple examples.

After someone dies, the following conversation is bound to take place, probably more than one.

Two guys meet on the street.

"Hey did you hear? Phil Davis died."

"Phil David? I just saw him yesterday !"

"Yeah."

"Didn't help."

"He died anyway. Apparently the simple act of you seeing him did not slow his cancer down."

"In fact it may have made it more agressive."

"You know you could be responsible for Phil's death."

"How do you live with yourself?"

Here's another thing they say after a death, this is usually said to the surviving spouse.

"Listen, if there's anything I can do, anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask."

What you gonna do, a ressurection?

This ain't the fucking New Testament, you know.

You know what you tell a guy like that, who wants to help?

"Oh fine, you can come over this weekend and paint the garage."

"Bring your plunger, the upstairs toilet overflowed and there's shit all over the floor up there."

"You drive a truck? Good, that'll come in handy, the North 40 needs a lot of attention."

"Bring your chainsaw and your pickaxe, we're gonna put your ass to work."

He wants to help, fuck him, call his bluff.

Call his bluff, don't hesitate to ask, the nerve of these pricks !

Here's another thing we say to the surviving spouse:

"I'm keeping him in my thoughts."

Where?

Where exactly, in your thoughts, does he fit?

In between "My ass hurts in this chair" and "Let's fuck the waitress"?

What are your priorities?

We use a lot of euphemisms when we talk about death, you know.

People say things like: "You know, I lost my father."

"Bah, he'll turn up."

You gotta stay optimistic with people like that.

Give them a reason to hope.

Have you checked the dumpster out back?

He used to like to take a nap in there.

Keep it upbeat.

Now,

There's something else that is said after a death

but this one involves belief, which is where i begin to have...

...big problems !