Bon appétit! James Acaster serves up pure genius! | The Great Stand Up To Cancer Bake Off

James Acaster: Never baked before.
Let alone competitively.

Let alone on Bakeoff.

It's the worst idea anyone's ever had.

Paul Hollywood: The texture of your flapjack--
James: It is perf.

Paul: --on the top, it looks
a bit wet.

James: Oh yeah, that's 'cause
it's not baked yet.

(Prue and Noel laugh)

James: Ah. I can explain this to you.

Before it goes in the oven,
it's often a lot soggier.

Paul: Right, ok.

James: Is the texture ok? Good joke!

Wanna shake my hand now or later?

(Music)

James: Up to you. You can shake it now
to save yourself the bother

or you can shake it later on
and eat humble pie

as well as these flapjacks.

Sandy: Bakers, you have half an hour.

Music

(Oven clatters)

James: Right, I wish I were dead
(scoffs).

I'm not taking that out the oven.
It's like a soup.

(Music)

James: Come on. Be magically done.

The mixture is...still liquid.

This is meant to be encouraging people
at home to get involved and bake

for charity.

This is the worst experience of my life!

This is so bad.

(Music stops)

Paul: Uh, can you tell us about your
flapjack, please? James: Started

making it, had a breakdown,

bon appétit!

(Laughter)

James: Bit of a small bit.

Up to him.

Paul: The reason I cut the end bit is 'cause

actually where it's browned and caramelized

with the butter, it's absolutely gorgeous.

Prue: So delicious. Isn't it lovely?

Paul: It is.

Great flavor, not very well executed.

James: Story of my life.

(Laughter)

James: I thought even if baking goes badly,

it's a bit of fun. It's not.

No, not disappointed--scarred.

(Water splashes into the bowl)

James: Oh, too much, that's too much.

James: This seems absolutely absurd.

That is too much frozen butter.

I've go excess dough.

Rylan Clark: You shouldn't have excess
dough, no

James: But, I cut it down
to the size it says here. I don't--

Rylan: You used the whole dough together?

James: Yeah

Rylan: Make that 10 centimeters by 25?

James: Well, it's too late, now, so I'll--
I'll put the butter in.

Noel: Where are the rest?

James: Oh, let's be realistic.
(Noel laughs)

(Music)

Prue: Who is responsible for this?

Well, all I can say, is it does have the
ingredients we gave you--

there.

James: What more could you ask?

(laughter)

Prue: Quite a lot more.

Noel: We would like you to make a
meringue scene.

Basically, your happy place.

James: Cowabunga! Surf's up! I'm baking
my happy place, which is Wicksteed Park,

which is Kettering's premier park.

Russell Tovey: Do you want some salt?
I've got some salt.

James: I'd love it. Thank you, Russell.

Just, making my meringue taste like the ocean.

(Russell scoffs and laughs)

James: Shouldn't really go in freehand,
should I?

But, would someone who plays by the books
do this?

(Music)

James: Wiki bear, reclining on the ocean.

I'm icing a raw egg. Does the name Prue
mean anything to you?

I know I'm in danger of constantly adding
to perfection, you know?

(Music)

James: That is the roller coaster in
meringue. It's sweet egg flavor.

(Laughter)

Russell: Sweet egg?

James: Ah, now, see if you can spot
the secret ingredient in the water.

Prue: No, is the answer.

James: I put a little salt on it, for a laugh!

(Laughter)

Prue: You're right, there is a hint.
Paul: I quite like it, actually.

Prue: It's like salted caramel. It's true.

Paul: I think it's brilliant, James.

James: Thank you very much, Paul.
(Applause). Thank you very much.

Paul kinda gave me a look during that
showstopper that let me know:

Obviously, we can't give it to you, but
you are Star Baker.

(Music)