-
Kevin, you're alive. I don't believe it.
Oh my god. It's a miracle.
-
Well, I guess you replaced real butter
as the star of the dinner.
-
But I don't understand.
-
The army said
you'd been killed in action.
-
- What happened?
- Well, it's quite a story.
-
In some ways, army life in Iraq is what you'd expect.
-
What with the blistering heat, the constant sense of impending danger,
-
and the one gay soldier awkwardly avoiding the use of pronouns?
-
Man, I sure missed my sweetheart back home.
-
I can't wait to get back to that person.
Chow time, boys. Yes, sir.
-
Sergeant major general captain.
-
Ah, come on, boys. It's thanksgiving. Call me major general captain now you eat up
-
I don't trust that turkey those iraqis made
-
ah
-
You're all wet swanson. I call the white meat. I call the dark meat. I call the cell phone duct tape to the side. No
-
They're all dead sir, except for swanson he's in a coma but he's unlikely to recover, okay
-
Well just send swanson's parents a letter saying that he's dead cause those are already printed
-
You know what send one to my parents too. I spent five years in a kuwait military hospital
-
I woke up from the coma last week and I flew straight here kind of a thanksgiving surprise
-
Hey when you get sexually abused while you're in a coma
-
Do you know it's happening and just can't do anything about it, or do you not even know what's going on?
-
I also am curious about that. Hey
-
kevin
-
You know, I put a yellow ribbon on my car for you guys and a little thing that says I support the troops
-
Cause there's nothing I wouldn't do for you guys
-
But I don't have any change on me right now. Well, all that matters is that my boy is home
-
Kevin, I want you to meet your little sister susie. Wow. Hey little sis. I guess we got some catching up to do, huh?
-
Hope you don't get scared when I scream and have night terrors. It's quite all right. I've seen worse
-
a human centipede of ghastly
-
Your mother and I are very proud of you. Kevin. You're a war hero. I don't feel like a war hero
-
Only a war hero would say that. Hey, so what about the female soldiers over there? Were they able to contribute?
-
Yeah, you know they did their best what with their regular bleedings when they got shot. Did they even know look guys?
-
i'm
-
Not a hero, and I don't want to be treated any different than before
-
Just that you would say that means we should treat you different. Come on guys. Let's give them all our best food
-
Okay, now you eat up and then we're all gonna go out back and play some thanksgiving touch football, excuse me
-
War hero thanksgiving touch football
-
Yeah usa I didn't even know there was a war
-
You
