Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don’t understand

you can still support us.

Our identity is legitimate, it exists.

Non-binary Stories

I’m Cami, I’m 22, I am non-binary.

and I’m here to discuss being non-binary.

Non-binary is an umbrella term

for all gender identities

that are neither exclusively
masculine or feminine,

which could be agender,

where “a” means no gender, neutral,

or it could be
all gender-fluid identities.

So if you imagine gender as a spectrum
between masculine and feminine

you can have a curseur
which moves around all gender fluid people

demi-gender, pangender, etc.

I never identified with femininity

at 18, I already started

to question my gender identity

and I met a trans man

who I dated for a while

and we were able to label my identity

which is non-binary.

And I think that
because he was more informed

he could help me find
the words for my identity.

Gender identity is who you are.

it’s the gender we feel,

that we live, we experience.

And gender expression
is what we show to others,

it’s the way we express this identity.

So you can have a gender identity,

for example, masculine, so you’re a man,

and you can have
a feminine gender expression

with stereotypically feminine markers

like Bilal Hassani, who is a man

with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents I was non-binary

and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.

I was 20, so 2 years ago.

My mom took it well.

She was already knowledgeable
about gender issues.

She had a deconstructed
view of gender

and was a safe space.
I felt safe.

My dad was a bit trickier.

It took me longer to tell him

and I didn’t do it in person.

I sent him a message,
it was easier for me.

He reacted well.

He said he didn’t totally understand
but he supported me regardless

and it didn’t change anything for him.
He loved me the same.

For my grandma, it was a bit less clear

because the topic was foreign to her.

She grew up in the countryside,
then moved to Paris.

She lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.

She was only used to
cis-hetero-normativity,

she never questioned her identity

or the identity of others.

When I spoke to her,
she was a bit taken aback

But she always ensured

to try her best for me.

She tried very hard.

She almost never messed up
using my preferred name.

I applied to change my name in 2019.

I applied to my city hall.

I was given a file to fill out

with testimonials from loved ones

to say they called me Cami

I asked my school
to write me a reference, etc.

Then I submitted the file

and I waited a few months,

it varies by city,

and I was accepted for a name change.

To misgender someone

is to refer to them

using the wrong pronouns.

For example, referring to
a non-binary person

who explicitly says they use
neutral pronouns, like they/them,

with she/her or he/him pronouns.

I personally use the pronouns

she/her when spoken,
and they/them when written.

But in general I often say right away

that I prefer that people refer to me

with she/her pronouns when speaking.

After, if the person
doesn’t give their pronouns

and you want to be sure
you’re not misgendering them

you can ask them for their pronouns

or wait for the person
to refer to themselves

and follow their lead.

On the previous videos I’ve made

there were a lot of comments
that invalidated our identities.

That denied our gender expressions
and identities.

Now, I don’t read many comments

only because I know that mostly

they’re malicious or misinformed

and they’ll only hurt me.

Once, I took part in an advertorial

that suggested that
being non-binary was a trend

that it only appeared a few years ago

in the US, that it was a fashion trend,

“the unisex trend” etc.

It was completely wrong.

I think it’s also
a very white and very euro-centric opinion

because in most cultures

you find many gender identities

that were completely erased
during colonization.

Often, we hear that it’s problematic

or it’s embarrassing to create more labels

for self-identification,
self-reidentification, etc.

But I think it’s really important

to be able to identify as something

and to not identify as something
that we were arbitrarily assigned.

I think it’s also necessary
to find a community

to create connections,

to know we aren't alone,

that there is support
that there are other people like us

who understand us, who hear us.

If I could only say one thing

it would be that even if
you don’t understand

you can always support us.

You can learn,
deconstruct the ways you think

you can inform yourself,
you can help your loved ones,

even if you don’t understand

the full scope of their gender identity.

A second thing, all non-binary people

have different ways
to express their identity.

Some people will transition medically,

will take hormones, undergo surgeries

and it doesn’t matter

the way that you transition or not

socially, medically, etc.

Our identity is legitimate, it exists,

and we are everywhere.