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even if you don’t understand, you can
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always support and accompany our
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identity. Remains legitimate and exists.
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My name is Cami, I am 22 years old,
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I am non-binary, and I am here to
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talk to you about non-binarity.
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Non-binarity is an umbrella term that
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includes all gender identities
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that are neither exclusively male nor
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exclusively female. It can
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include a-gender identities—those that
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involve the absence of gender or
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a neutral gender—or it can
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include fluid identities, as if we
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imagined gender as a spectrum with
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two poles: male and female. One can have
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a position on this spectrum that shifts.
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This includes people who are
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genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.
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I never really identified
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with femininity. When I was 18, I
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started questioning my gender identity.
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And I met a trans man
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with whom I spent some time,
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and together, we found
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the right words to describe
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my identity—non-binary. And
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I think that he was able to help me
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because he had much more
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information than I did.
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He was able to help me find the words
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regarding my identity. Gender
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identity is who we are; it is the
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gender we feel, live, and
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experience. Gender expression
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is what we present to others,
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the way we express
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this identity. So, one can
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have a gender identity, for
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example, as a man,
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and still have a gender expression
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that is feminine, with many
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markers considered feminine
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in society. For example, Bassani, who
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is a man with a feminine
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gender expression.
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I told my parents that I was non-binary
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and that I wanted to change my name
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at the same time
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I was 20 years old, so it was two
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years ago. My mother took it very well;
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she was already quite knowledgeable
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about gender issues. She was open-minded
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and very supportive. I felt
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safe. With my father, it was
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a bit more complicated. It took me
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longer to tell him, and
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I didn’t do it in person—I
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sent him a message instead, because
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it was easier for me to handle. And he
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reacted fairly well. He said he
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didn’t understand everything, but that
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he would be there to support me
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and that it didn’t change anything for him
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and he still loved me the same.
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With my grandmother, it was a bit
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more difficult because it was
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something very foreign to her.
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Later, she moved to Paris and lived
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with my grandfather for 50 years.
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She was part of a very
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cis-heteronormative framework
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where she had never questioned
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her own identity or that of others.
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So when I told her about it,
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she was a bit taken aback.
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But she always made sure to
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behave in the best way possible
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with me. She has made enormous efforts
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and almost never makes mistakes anymore
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in using my chosen name.
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I applied for a name change
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in 2019. I submitted a request
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to the town hall of the city where
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I lived. I picked up an application form,
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which I filled out with testimonies from
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my loved ones stating that they used
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the name Cami to refer to me.
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I asked my school to provide a letter of
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support, etc. Then I submitted my file
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and waited a few months.
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It varies depending on the town hall,
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and my request for a name change
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was approved. Misgendering someone
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means addressing them
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using incorrect pronouns.
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So, misgendering a non-binary person
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who has explicitly stated they use
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neutral pronouns like “they”
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but instead referring to them
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with masculine or feminine pronouns.
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Personally, I use
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feminine pronouns when speaking
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and neutral pronouns when writing.
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And generally, I tend mention this right
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away: I prefer to be addressed with
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feminine pronouns in speech.
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If someone doesn’t do so naturally,
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and you want to be sure
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you are using the correct pronouns,
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you can ask them directly
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or wait until the person
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refers to themselves
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so you can follow their lead.
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In the videos I have made previously,
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there were many comments
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that actually invalidate our identities,
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that deny our gender expressions
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and our gender identities. I hardly ever
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read those comments precisely because I
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know that most of them are either
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malicious or very off-set, and they
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would only upset me.
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I once participated in a documentary
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where people claimed
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that non-binarity was just a trend,
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that it had only emerged a few years ago
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in the United States, 10 years ago,
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and that it was tied to fashion,
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like the unisex clothing trend.
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That is completely false.
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And I think that it is also
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a very white-centered and Eurocentric
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perspective. Because in many cultures,
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multiple gender identities exist,
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but they were completely erased
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during colonization quite simply.
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Quite often, we hear that
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it is problematic or or bothersome
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to create more and more identity
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categories to identify and re-identify
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oneself, etc. But I think that
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it is extremely important to be able
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to first identify with something
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in order to detach oneself from an
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identity that was arbitrarily assigned
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to us. I think that yes, it is necessary
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to also find oneself in a community
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to build connections and know that
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we are not alone, that there is support,
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that there are other people
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like us who understand us
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and who listen to us. If I had just
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one thing to say, I think it would be that
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even if you don’t fully understand, you
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can still support and accompany others.
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You can learn, you can deconstruct
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ways of thinking, you can educate
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yourself, you can help your loved ones,
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even if you don’t fully grasp
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the full depth of what
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defining their gender identity means.
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Another thing is that
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all non-binary people have different ways
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of expressing their identity.
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Some people will
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undergo medical transitions,
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take hormones, have surgeries,
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while others will not. And regardless of
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the way in which someone transitions
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socially, medically, or not at all,
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their identity remains legitimate
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and it exists. And there are many of us.