-
Even if you don’t understand,
you can still support and stand by us.
-
Our identity is still real and valid.
-
[Non-binary Stories]
-
My name is Cami, I’m 22
-
And I’m here to talk about
my non-binary identity.
-
Non-binary is an umbrella term
for any gender identity
-
that isn’t exclusively masculine
or exclusively feminine.
-
That could be agender
-
“a” indicating
the absence of gender
-
Not Synced
which is neutral
-
Not Synced
Or it could be a fluid identity.
-
Not Synced
If we imagine gender
as a spectrum
-
Not Synced
with two poles:
masculine and feminine
-
Not Synced
A fluid identity might
move around that spectrum.
-
Not Synced
This includes people who are gender fluid,
-
Not Synced
demigender, pangender, etc.
-
Not Synced
I never really identified with femininity.
-
Not Synced
At 18, I was already
questioning my gender identity
-
Not Synced
and I met a trans man
who I dated for a while.
-
Not Synced
Together, we put my identity into words:
non-binary.
-
Not Synced
I think that because he was
much more informed than me
-
Not Synced
He was able to help me
find the words to describe my identity
-
Not Synced
Gender identity is who you are.
-
Not Synced
It’s the gender you feel,
that you live, that you experience.
-
Not Synced
And gender expression
is what you present to the world.
-
Not Synced
It’s the way you express your identity.
-
Not Synced
For example, you could have
a masculine gender identity:
-
Not Synced
So you’re a man,
-
Not Synced
And your gender expression
could be feminine,
-
Not Synced
Meaning it has lots of markers
that society thinks of as feminine.
-
Not Synced
For example,
-
Not Synced
Which I came out to my parents
as non-binary,
-
Not Synced
I also told them that
I wanted to change my name.
-
Not Synced
It was two years ago,
when I was 20.
-
Not Synced
My mom took it very well.
-
Not Synced
She was already well versed
in gender identity
-
Not Synced
She’d done enough unlearning.
-
Not Synced
I felt safe with her.
-
Not Synced
Telling my dad was a bit trickier.
-
Not Synced
It took me longer to talk to him,
and I didn’t do it in person.
-
Not Synced
I sent him a message
because it was easier for me to manage.
-
Not Synced
He reacted quite well.
-
Not Synced
He said he didn’t understand everything
but that he supported me no matter what,
-
Not Synced
that it didn’t change anything for him,
and that he loved me just the same.
-
Not Synced
It was harder for my grandmother
because it was very foreign to her.
-
Not Synced
She grew up in the countryside
before moving to Paris.
-
Not Synced
She lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.
-
Not Synced
She lived in a very
cisheteronormative environment
-
Not Synced
where she never questioned
her gender identity or anyone else's.
-
Not Synced
When I told her,
she was a bit out of her depth.
-
Not Synced
But she always made sure
to interact with me
-
Not Synced
in the best way she could.
-
Not Synced
She tries really hard.
-
Not Synced
And she almost always
uses my chosen name now.
-
Not Synced
I applied for a legal name change
in 2019.
-
Not Synced
I applied to the town council
where I was living at the time.
-
Not Synced
I sent in a folder that I filled
with statements from friends and family
-
Not Synced
confirming that they used the name Cami
to refer to me.
-
Not Synced
I asked my school for a letter of support.
-
Not Synced
Then I submitted my application.
-
Not Synced
I waited a few months.
-
Not Synced
Wait times vary by municipality.
-
Not Synced
And my name change was approved.
-
Not Synced
Misgendering someone
-
Not Synced
is using the wrong pronouns
to refer to someone.
-
Not Synced
So for a non-binary person
-
Not Synced
who explicitly asked you
to use "they/them" pronouns
-
Not Synced
misgendering them would be using
feminine or masculine pronouns for them.