GEORGE CARLIN on Homelessness and Golf

I get an idea about homelessness.

You what they ought to do?

Change the name of it.

Change the name of it,

it's not homelessness,

it's houselessness

It's houses these people need.

A home is an abstract idea.

A home is a setting
it's a state of mind.

Physical, tangible, structures.

They need low cost housing.

But where you gonna put it?

Well that's fine,

But where you gonna put it?

Where you gonna put it?

Nobody wants you to build

low cost housing near their house.

People don't want it near them.

People got something in this country,

you've heard of it, its called N.I.M.B.Y.

N-I-M-B-Y.

Not in my back yard.

People don't want anything,

any kind of social help

located anywhere near them.

You try to open up a half way house,

try to open up a drug rehab or

an alcohol rehab center,

try to do a homeless shelter somewhere.

Try to open up a home for some retarded

people who want to work their way into the community.

People say," NOT IN MY BACK YARD."

People don't want anything near them.

Especially, if it might help somebody else.

Part of that great American spirit of generosity

we hear about.

*fart noise*

Great, generous American spirit.

You can ask an Indian about that.

Ask an Indian, if you can find one.

You got to locate an Indian first.

We've made them just a little difficult to find.

But if you need current data,

ask a black family at random.

Ask them, how generous America

has been to them.

People don't want anything near them.

Even if it's something they believe in,

something that they think society needs,

like prisons.

Everybody wants more prisons right?

Everybody wants more prisons.

People say, "BUILD MORE PRISONS!"

But not here.

But why not?

What's wrong?

What's the problem?

What's wrong with having a prison

in your neighrborhood?

Seems to me like it would make it

a pretty crime free area

don't you think?

You think alot of crack heads,

and pimps and hookers and thieves

are gonna be hanging out

in front of a fucking prison?

Bullshit,

they ain't coming anywhere near it!

What's wrong with these people?

All the criminals are locked up behind the walls.

And if a couple of them do break out,

what do you think they're gonna do?

Hang around?

Check real estate trends?

Bullshit.

whistle

They're fucking gone.

That's the whole idea of breaking

out of prison, is to get away

as far as you fucking can.

Not in my back yard...

People don't want anything near them.

Except military bases.

They don't mind that do they?

They like that,

give them an Army base,

give them a Navy base.

It makes them happy, why?

Jobs.

Jobs, self interest.

Even if the base is loaded

with Nuclear weapons,

they don't give a fuck.

"Well, I'll take a radiation

if I can get a job."

Working people have been fucked over

so long in this country,

those are the kind of decisions

they're left to make.

I've got just the place for low cost housing.

I have solved this problem.

I know where we can build

housing for the homeless.

Golf courses.

Perfect.

Golf courses.

Just what we need.

Just what we need,

plenty of good land,

in nice neighborhoods.

Land that is currently being wasted,

On a meaningless, mindless activity.

Engaged in,

engaged in primarily by, white

well to do male buisiness men.

Who use the game to get together to

make deals to carve the country up a little

finer among themselves.

I am getting tired,

really, gettng, tired.

Of these Golfing cock suckers.

In their green pants,

and their yellow pants,

and their orange pants,

and their precious little hats.

And their cute little golf carts.

It is time to reclaim the Golf courses

from the wealthy, and turn

them over to the homeless.

Golf is an arrogant, elitest game

and it takes up entirely

too much room in this country.

Too much room, in this country.

It is, it is an arrogant game,

in it's very design alone.

Just the design of this game,

speaks of arrogance.

Think of how big a Golf course is.

The ball is that fucking big!

What do these pin headed pricks

need with all that land?

There are over 17,000 Golf courses in America,

they average over 150 acres a piece.

That's 3 million+ acres.

4,820 square miles,

You could build two Rhode Islands

and a Delaware for the homeless.

On the land currently being wasted

on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant,

elitest, racist, there's another thing,

The only blacks you'll find in

country clubs are carrying trays.

And what a boring game.

Boring game,

for boring people.

You ever watch Golf on television?

It's like watching flys fuck.

And a mindless game.

Mindless, think of the intellect

it must take, to draw

pleasure form this activity.

Hitting a ball with a crooked sitck,

and then, walking after it!

And then, hitting it again!

I say pick it up asshole,

you're lucky you found the fucking thing!

Put it in your pocket and go the fuck home

you're a winner!

You're a winner!

You found it!

Never happens.

No, no chance of that happening.

Dorko in the plaid knickers is gonna hit it again,

and walk some more.

Let these rich cock suckers play miniature golf.

Let them fuck with a windwill

for an hour and a half or so.

And see if there is really

any skill among these people.

Now I know, that there are some people

who play Golf, and don't consider themself rich.

FUCK 'EM!

And shame on them.

For engaging in an arrogant, elitest, past time.