-
-I remember the other sketch
-
that a lot of people bring up is
-
when you and Rachel Dratch
do "The Lovahs."
-
-Oh, "The Lovers," yes.
-The lovers in the hot tub.
-
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[ Cheers ]
-
Professor Klarvin, I believe.
Yes.
-
-It was a bizarre sketch.
I think it started
-
with just me as -- I always
go to a different hotel.
-
-Uh-huh.
-And I would end up
-
in a hot tub, like,
kind of enjoying, like,
-
"There's no one in the hot tub.
This is fun."
-
And then two of
the creepiest humans...
-
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-
-...came and got
in the hot tub with me.
-
-With you and Drew Barrymore.
-Oh, yeah.
-
-And I think --
-
I thought I was sitting
next to you, but I'm not.
-
I'm sitting across from you.
But I just remember trying
-
to get my foot in your crotch
during the sketch.
-
[ Laughter ]
-
-Excuse me?
-
E-Excuse me.
-What?
-
What? Y-Yes?
-
-We were wondering,
-
is this your first time at
the Welshly Arms Hotel?
-
-Uh, yeah.
-
-Mm. And are you here
without a lov-ah?
-
-Well, I am by myself.
-
I'm just staying here
on business.
-
-Hmm.
-We frequent the Welshly Arms.
-
-Yes.
-
-We find it a perfect quick
lov-ah's getaway.
-
-Yes.
-
Oh, oh.
Oh, forgive me.
-
We are professors
Roger and Virginia Klarvin.
-
-And your name?
-
-Uh, Dave.
-
-Ah!
-Ah!
-
-Hmm!
-
-Dave, may I share
something with you?
-
-I guess.
I'm really just trying to--
-
-I find when one first enters
the scalding waters
-
of the hot tub,
-
it is not unlike
your first encounter
-
with a new lov-ah.
-
-Mm!
-
I remember the first time
Roger and I made love.
-
-Yes.
-Yes.
-
We had pulled over
after a long Sunday drive.
-
Roger led me to a clearing,
-
laid me down upon
a bed of fresh meadow grasses.
-
He then rubbed my nubile body
-
with fruit liniments
and Noxzema.
-
Then he artfully covered my back
with melted butter and cloves.
-
And until
the flies and ants came,
-
methinks it was
the finest lovemaking
-
the world had ever known.
-
-Yes.
-Hmm.
-
-Are you listening, Dave?
-
-Yeah.
I'm just tired, that's all.
-
-Ah!
-Ah!
-
-Is that the professors
Virginia and Roger Klarvin?
-
-Oh, what a surprise!
-Oh, what a surprise!
-
It's our dear friend
Barbara Hernandez.
-
-Yes.
-Hmm!
-
-Barbara, what brings you to
the prestigious Welshly Arms?
-
-The usual -- quiet strolls,
family-style dining, archery.
-
-Well, please,
join us in the hot tub.
-
-Thank you, Roger.
-Yes. It's very refreshing.
-
-It simply is divine.
-Yes.
-
Barbara, dare I ask?
-
Are you no longer with your
lov-ah, Mitchell?
-
-Well, as you know, Mitchell was
-
the most skillful
and creative lov-ah.
-
-Oh, yes!
-Oh, yes!
-
-However,
his love for me was exceeded
-
by his love for
sweet wine and dog racing.
-
So now I can turn my attention
fully to my first love...
-
archery.
-
-Dave...Dave...Dave...
-
David.
-[ Laughing ] Yes?
-
-David.
-Right.
-
-Our dear friend,
-
Barbara Hernandez,
is the top female archer
-
in the Northeast Division.
-
-That's unbelievable.
-
-Does anyone care for
spiced lamb shanks?
-
-Come on.
-Oh!
-
-What is -- what is that?
-
-Well, at this point
during the soak,
-
my lov-ah and I
usually crave spiced meats.
-
[ Laughing ] We always...
-
We always order them up special
from the Welshly Arms kitchen
-
and keep them here
in this Igloo cooler.
-
-The Welshly Arms
is renowned for its shanks.
-
-Yeah, wonderful shanks.
-I'm good, I'm good, actually.
-
-Alright. You're missing out on
some good shanks.
-
-We should mention that although
the waters above appear calm,
-
below the surface,
there is a frenzy of activity.
-
Hands groping,
fingers fluttering,
-
thighs twitching in
the anticipation of lovemaking
-
that will take place in this
hot tub in less than 12 minutes.
-
-I'm getting kind of pruney.
I'm out.
-
-Wait, wait, wait.
-Wait, Dave, Dave.
-
-Barbara, you are sans lov-ah.
-
Dave, you a
weary business traveler.
-
Perhaps Cupid's aim is as sharp
as that of Barbara Hernandez.
-
-Perhaps.
-
-I-I-I don't know.
I think I'll just--
-
-David, don't be alarmed by
the professors Klarvin.
-
I remember myself
when I first met
-
Rog and Virg at the university.
-
We were taking a camping trip
to the Grand Canyon.
-
-Yes.
-
-After a supper of
jackrabbit haunches,
-
we laid out beneath the stars.
-
-Somewhere in the distance,
-
we heard the pounding of
native drums.
-
Was it...
[ Laughter ]
-
Was it in our minds?
-
We don't know.
-
[ Cheers and applause ]
-
-That night,
the great eagle spirit himself
-
appeared at our tent and
beckoned us to make love.
-
We submitted to its
ravenous desires
-
as the three of us became
one with the great eagle spirit.
-
-Turns out
the great eagle spirit
-
was actually a fugitive trucker
by the name of Rich Crenshaw.
-
-Maybe I'm just, uh,
road-weary, but, uh...
-
that's a pretty beautiful story.
-
-Lov-ah.
-
Would you care to see my bed
adorned with hibiscus petals
-
and my photo of
me and Geena Davis?
-
-Geena Davis? That sounds nice.
-
-Goodbye, Dave.
-Bye, lov-ahs.
-
Oh!
-Bye.
-
-You know...
-
-Nothing pleases me more than
-
seeing two new lovers
take off in the night mist.
-
-Yes, lover, I think there's
-
only one reward
for the job we've done.
-
-Let the screams of our
lovemaking reverberate off
-
the roof of the Welshly Arms...
-
-Oh, lov-ah.
-...and into the night sky.
-
-Oh, lov-ah.
-
-Ow! Ow, my back!
-
-What?
-My -- my back.
-
-Is it your back? What?
-
I thought the
water might help with your --
-
-Well, it doesn't help!
Get the hell off me!
-
[ Cheers and applause ]
-
-Right before I said my line...
-Yeah, exactly.
-
-...you'd give me a little,
like, squeeze on the kneecap...
-
-Yeah, yeah.
-...or something like...
-
-Which was --
I'm just in character.
-
[ Laughter ]
Buh, uh...
-
-But I mean,
I always remember just crying.
-
-But it added to the hijinks.
-Crying laughing, dude.
-
'Cause we didn't do it at dress.
There was so many things
-
that, like -- I would just --
Gosh, I got in so much trouble.
-
I mean, Lorne didn't like it.
-No.
-
-No.
-But I love --
-
-The writers didn't like it.
-I love trying to get you there.
